For those of you wondering on the status of us getting pregnant again...We found out yesterday that I am not pregnant. I have shed a lot of tears and they are still coming at certain moments. Please pray for us. We were so looking forward to having a big family. We certainly don't understand why we were not blessed with more babies this time. Maybe it wouldn't even help to know why right now.
I really, really wanted to experience being pregnant again and nursing my baby or babies. We had 3 embryos implanted. We thought that surely one of them would take. And to be honest, I felt pregnant for a few days and then I didn't. I really believe I was pregnant and for some reason, it didn't last. It is hard knowing we don't have any more embryos.
What we do know is we have found an even greater appreciation for the children the Lord has given us! And I am so thankful for having gotten to experience pregnancy once and have an amazing time with it! But it still does not make it any easier to have lost this dream. I think I understand how people feel when they have miscarried. It doesn't matter how many kids you already have, you want this new one just as much!
As I feared how I would feel if we were not pregnant this time around, I couldn't imagine how I would get through it. Now, that we are here, strangely, by God's grace, there is definitely the knowing that I will be okay. Immediately I knew that. Thank you, God, for that!
Wednesday night before we knew if we were pregnant or not, I awoke with a start having felt a kiss on my forehead! I immediately asked Toby twice if he just kissed my head. He was fast asleep! I think God kissed me!
That same day I had searched scriptures trying to find something to stand on as I feared I was not pregnant. I kept coming to Zechariah 9:12 "Return to the stronghold you prisoners of hope. Even today I declare that I will restore double to you." What this means for me, I don't know, but I do feel it is a scripture for me to stand on, ponder, and treasure and someday look back on and know why God showed it to me.
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